How To Clean Out Your Friend Closet For Good

Posted on by Katherine D Posted in The Letting Go SeriesTagged , , , , ,

Today’s post will be about Letting Go of Fake Friends and it is part of the “Letting Go Series” that aims to emblish upon the items in my “10 Things You Must Let Go Of Today” list here on the site. Many comments and responses have prompted the need to look more in-depth at the items on that list. Please be sure to check it out if you haven’t already done so, and stay tuned for all the expanded information as a part of this series. You can access these posts through the “Letting Go Series” listed under the catagories tab. As always any comments, thoughts, ideas, requests or submissions are welcome and can be forwarded to: inspiredeverymoment@outlook.com

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...
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“A real friend is the one who walks in when everyone else walks out.” This anonymous quote holds infinite words of wisdom. In today’s social media society it is easy to accumulate large groups of ‘fake’ friends. Having 438 friends on Facebook does not mean you have 438 friends. Chances are you have not spoken to or seen many of these people in years, and you certainly have not been an active part of their daily lives, as they have probably not been an active part of yours.

There is nothing wrong with having acquaintances, you can have an infinite number of ‘people you know’, it is the false friendships that become an issue and toxic people who can bring harm to your life.

So how do you distinguish the difference between the two? What is an acquaintance and what is a fake friend?

The only effective way of picking out, and ridding your life of phony, fake friends is to do a close personal examination of those people that surround your life.

We all have those “friends,” the ones that bring nothing positive to our lives, the hanger-on’s, the negative Nelly‘s. Those friends that are non-supportive, that take great effort to keep close or that are overly demanding. It is these ‘friends’ that put a big strain on our goal for a happier, more positive way of living. They drain our energy and leave us feeling exhausted and empty. It is these ‘friends’ that hold us back from living our best life possible, and it is these ‘fake friends’ that we need to rid ourselves of to achieve that ideal life we long to live.

One of the best places to start when you are examining your friendships is on Facebook. Take a look at your list of friends and consider how many of those people you have not spoken with (either online or in person) in the last year. What about the last six months. Three months. Now consider how many of those people you have spent physical time with. How many of them have seen your home or met your children. As you ask yourself these questions you will start to realize your friends list is not really a list of friends at all. In fact, chances are that up to 90% of the people you have on your list are not truly your ‘friends’, they are merely acquaintances or ‘people you know.’

So what do you do with this new realization? Well, that depends on your goal.

As I said earlier in this post, there is nothing wrong with having a large number of acquaintances, but be sure that you have distinguished they are simply that, acquaintances NOT friends.  You now have two choices, you may choose to remove these ‘acquaintances’ completely from your life or you can utilize the advances in technology to sort them into a category of their own. Unless of course you are fine with the way things are in your life, in which case you may skip this post and carry on living your life, rock on! Thankfully, for those of you like myself and want to form some sort of boundary between friends and acquaintances, Facebook has tools to create lists and sort your friends in to different categories, if someone is merely an acquaintance you may decide you do not want them knowing the more intimate details of your life. With new filters in place on most social media sites you can sort these people, and your own posts, into appropriate lists and share only the information you see fit for the level of friendship.

The web is not the only place we are faced with ‘fake friends’. Many of our phony friendships are formed through work, school or other social situations. Perhaps you have a co-worker, old college roommate or another parent that you ‘put on the friend front’ for. False friends can be found in all areas of our lives, and we may choose to hold on to them for any number of reasons, one major reason is fear of being rude, but the truth is: Fake Friendships do not benefit anyone involved and are best broken. So get over being rude and be honest about what this ‘friendship’ really brings to your life. You might choose to be open and honest with the person or you can simply cut ties. The choice is yours and do what you are comfortable with.

If you are not sure whether a friend is actually a friend you can look at a few factors:
a) Is there equal effort being put into the relationship? b) Are they supportive? c) Do they make you feel good?

If you answered NO to any of these questions, chances are they are not truly your friends and you may want to reconsider their place in your life.

Why is this so important?

Cleaning out your friend closest has the same effect as cleaning out your clothing closet. It rids your life of negative reminders, freshens your outlook and invites positivity into your life. It is a great way to make room for real friends that will add to your life and energy, not take from or drain it.

There are clearly exceptions to every rule, do what feels right for you. It is just important for you to remember that if a person does not make you feel good, support your choices or share your desire for a happier, more fulfilling life, they may not have a place in it.

People will come and go, they will bring great lessons with them, none will be greater than learning to let them go when their lesson is complete.

Until Next Time…

Consider How Others Make You Feel.

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6 thoughts on “How To Clean Out Your Friend Closet For Good”

  1. Reply
    matt says:

    So if everyone in that ‘negative nelly’s’ life takes your advice and cuts them out, that is a good thing? Often that’s a cause of suicide, especially for someone in that rut. I don’t think you’re looking at the bigger picture.

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    1. Reply
      Katherine D says:

      You’re right Matt. Cutting everyone out of your life is not a good idea, especially if you are feeling depressed or suffering from mental health issues. With that said, surrounding yourself with negative people only breeds negativity. It is best to seek out those who support you, who you can talk to openly and who have your best interests in mind. Never seclude yourself completely from everyone, but surround yourself with the most positive people that you can.

      KatherineD

      Like

  3. Reply
    The Director says:

    Well said! While I have numerous facebook pages for my film projects, I’ve just done a big chop on my personal FB page-yesterday as a matter of fact, so this post is timely.

    I was hurt as so-called friends ignored my messages on their wall and their in-box as I watched them interact with others. Makes no sense to get ignored by people who have access to your family and private photos. So, off with their heads.

    Funny…THREE of the culprits who brazenly ignored me reaching out to them, within minutes of getting chopped, decided to write! Which proved that while they ignore you they ARE lurking and watching.

    All three used the world “mad” to describe me but my public ‘goodbye’ described my feelings as HURT. Projection much? I was never mad and yes I was hurt.

    Some phony friends enjoy access to your inner life it thrills them and I think they get off being passive aggressive.

    That said, this is 24 hours after I chopped them. I feel free and light. And no, I’m not being paranoid as this is Northern California, we’re plugged in, on FB several times a day, and it was easy to see them engaging with others.

    One phony friend who got cut sent a message that said that I was cutting off my nose to spite my face. Huh? Come again? I took that to mean, I should allow them access in my life and I should welcome the opportunity to be dissed by passive-aggressives.

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