The Need For Approval – Letting Go and Living Life.

Our Last post looked more in-depth at Letting Go of Negative Thinking and provided tips, tricks and exercises to promote a more positive mind. This post is another in the “Letting Go” Series which deals with the “10 Things You Must Let Go of Today” list that was posted on this site a few weeks back, and will take a look at “Letting go of your Need for Approval.”let-go

The ‘Need for Approval’ is a deep-rooted issue that affects many of us on some level and manifests itself in various ways. For many of us this need for approval is seen in the way we live our daily lives through our often subconscious actions.

People who struggle with this issue usually depend on others to confirm their self-worth, wait for approval of others for recognition of their achievements, avoid conflict, are over-agreeable in their relationships, live their lives according to the way others see them, often have a hard time making decisions or solving problems on their own, and often rely on others for their happiness.

There are many causes of the issue of need for approval such as, low self-esteem, lack of positive feedback as a child, lack of self-worth, a sense of rejection, or abandonment and abuse.

This issue has a huge effect on your quality of life, but it also affects those around you as well. When faced with a person who needs constant reassurance people are often feel uncomfortable by being over-needed, they may feel themselves that nothing they do is good enough, or they may be frightened by the sense of low self-esteem you radiate because of these issues.

Your need for approval might show itself in more subtle ways. Perhaps you aim to please family, friends or partners more often than you should. Maybe you rely on your spouse to solve the financial issues your family faces, or you seek reassurance before or after your actions. Whatever form your need for approval takes, it is having an effect on your life and needs to be addressed today if you hope to life a happier, more fulfilled life.

How To Control You Need For Approval:

The following suggestions will help you address the issue and move past your need for approval.

  1. Accept and embrace your fear of rejection, failure, or abandonment and consider where these feelings come from. – For many people this will be a difficult step that may bring up deep-rooted emotions but it is a necessary action in overcoming this issue.
  2. Let go of the idea that other people need to know what you have done for it to matter. If what you are doing makes you happy that is enough reason to do it. It is still success whether it is well know or personal.
  3. Learn to speak-up. Don’t do something just to please other people, learn to say ‘No’ when you don’t want to do something, or through in your opinion when you have something to be said. The worst thing that is going to happen is that someone is going to get upset, or not like your idea, but you should take comfort in the fact that you made the effort and did what YOU felt was right.
  4. Stop relying on others for entertainment. You must learn to be happy with yourself if you ever hope to truly be happy with another person. These are words we have all heard at one time or another, but the truth in them is undeniable. If you can not entertain yourself, be happy with yourself and love yourself no one else will ever be able to do it long-term either. Take time each day to appreciate being alone.
  5. Make a list of all of your positive traits. And post it where you will see it. It is important that we remember our self-worth and creating a list of all the things that are great about you is a wonderful way of reminding yourself that you are unique and deserve appreciation. You should not have to rely on others to point these things out, they are within you to find, and share.
  6. Start each day with a positive point. Wake up and start fresh by stating one thing that is great about your life, one thing you are proud of or one thing you are thankful for today. It is a great way to begin your day on a positive note, and it gives you a goal to focus on. By thinking about something positive such as, your health, family or friends you will bring more positivity to that area of your life and place more focus on those things that matter most to you.
  7. Express your “I” feelings. When faced with conflict, stick to what you know by using “I” statements to express how the situation makes you ‘feel.’ Many conflicts are escalated when one person state the way the other person feels. Only you know your feelings, and only yours. Remember that sometimes a persons actions are different from what they actually feel, refrain from judging and share only what you know and feel. This makes conflict less confrontational and helps to create a more conversational environment.
  8. Ask yourself where your actions have gotten you. By always being agreeable, doing what is expected of you, or focusing on others what are you losing personally? Consider this before you act.
  9. Keep track of all your compliments. Each time someone compliments you, or says something that makes you feel good write it down. Although you should not need to hear compliments, we all benefit from positive reassurance. Each time someone compliments you for a job well done, says you look nice or makes you smile, take note. Before long you will see that you don’t need to ‘seek‘ approval because it is already there.
  10. Do what is best for you. Act on your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Do what works for you and what makes you happiest. It is fine to want to help other people, but don’t do it at your own expense. Charity is only charity if it comes from the heart. If something is going to make ‘you’ miserable leave it for someone who will actually enjoy it. Don’t stress about hurting anyone’s feeling, or letting people down, who is worrying about you?

Letting go of your Need For Approval is a huge part of living a full and happy life. If you truly hope to achieve your personal goals you must first learn to accept yourself as a person. Looking to others for approval and reassurance will only provide instant gratification, and will not withstand the obstacles you will face in the long-run. You must learn to love and appreciate yourself and accept that you can not please everyone all the time.

It is important that you focus on how you feel about yourself and not how others see you. Requiring approval from others for you action is a habit that will hold you back from the life you long for and deserve.

Tell yourself daily that you are wonderful and amazing, just the way you are.  

Until Next Time…

Do What Makes YOU Happy. 


Questions, Comments, Thoughts, Requests and Submissions can be forwarded to:

8 thoughts on “The Need For Approval – Letting Go and Living Life.

  1. Slowmoto says:

    I am just starting to “dig” into “inspiredeverymoment” and I am thrilled to find a blog focused on positive thinking ; and instead of allowing other people to control your tempo and journey by asking approval either directly or indirectly, you are advocating the reader to maintain control of his\her life, Excellent post! Thanks,


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