The Unwritten Rules of Building Self-Confidence


We face struggles in life that bring with them a great deal of pain, cause us to question ourselves and even break us down over time. We all want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you are starting with little to no confidence? What if those struggles you have faced in life have taken it away from you?Self Confidence Building

Confidence is a key asset to happiness, and it is something the majority of us lack, especially women. As we struggle in life, as we aim to find ourselves and our path, we sometimes lose this very important part of ourselves… But the good news is; confidence is something you can get back.

True self-confidence is not an overnight venture, and just as it takes time to break down, it will take time to gain back. There are a few basic steps that will help you rebuild your self-confidence, hopefully speeding up your journey to a happier, more fulfilling life.

The Unwritten Rules of Building Self-Confidence

1. The first step in building your self-confidence is to listen to yourself. It is important that we are in tune with that small voice deep within our minds, and the we learn to not only listen to it, but control it as well. We tend to be far harsher on ourselves than we are on others, and much of this issue arises from the fact that we are constantly comparing our lives to those around us, or those we look up to. We all do it, we are all guilty of envy in some form, and though it is good to aspire to be something more, it is important that you see the big picture. So many times we look at other people and see only the surface, like comparing a ‘first draft’ with a ‘final edit’. What is on the outside is not necessarily what it comes down to in the end.  You must train the little voice in your head to avoid envy or comparisons, and focus instead on what you have done that is positive and moving you in the right direction.

There was a long period in my life where I envied a close friend of mine. She seemed to have it all, the nice house, the adoring husband, the good job. She was everything that I wanted to be, everything that I wasn’t. I spent so much of my time wanting to live her life, but I found out that what I saw on the surface was nothing close to what it truly was. My friend was unhappy. The beautiful house had put them in debt, the adoring husband was not what he seemed, and the job ran her down to the point of severe depression. Everything that I admired, envied, about her was a façade, and for the first time in a long time I was able to see how blessed I was with my life. 

When you look beyond the surface, not just of others lives but also within your own, you will often find things that you did not see before. Take time to consider this when you hear that little voice telling you that your life should be more like someone elses, and count your current blessings.

2. The second step in building self-confidence is to accept your own faults. Once you have heard your little voice, it will be easier to find. This is where the work really begins, you need to focus on that little voice and find where it is placing blame. Too often we pick ourselves apart little by little, wearing ourselves down over time. Have you ever had those days when you get dressed and feel great, but the minute you leave the house you begin questioning your choice of clothing, or the way you did your hair? That is your little voice pointing out your insecurities and trying to drag you down.

Imagine it like a little devil and angel sitting on your shoulders, like in the cartoons, the angel is your self-esteem, and the devil’s goal is to knock her off your shoulder and wipe her out of your mind. It is important that we listen to the positive angel on our shoulders, and not only ignore the devil, but evict him completely. The devil comes from our envy, our pain, our insecurities, and many other negative places, growing stronger and louder over time. You are not going to be able to evict the devil instantly, but you can use reverse medicine to break him down just as he does you. Each time you find yourself pointing out your faults, or questioning a decision, simply STOP. Take a moment to remember what you love about you, and even write it down. Show that negative devil whose boss, and regain control of your mind. Each negative thought should be replaced by a positive one. Positive thinking is a strong tool and plays a major role in the way we see ourselves.

3. It is important that we surround ourselves with positive people while we are rebuilding our self-esteem. Find a friend or a family member that you feel comfortable talking openly with, or arrange to see a counsellor. Talking to someone about how you feel is a big part of building self-confidence.  People are social by nature, and talking to someone will also help you work through the issues that have dragged you down in the past.

I have found that most of the time when I am talking about an issue I am having with someone close to me, or a counsellor, I am not actually looking for advice, I am instead aiming to clear the clutter from my mind. In fact, 95% of the time I come up with a solution on my own, and simply needed a sounding board. I have also accomplished this by using a journal, which is just another form of talking, just without the verbal response. 

When you are in the process of rebuilding your self-confidence it is important that you find someone to talk to that is both positive and disconnected from the situation. If you think your lack of confidence stems from your mothers negativity, or your husbands lack of affection, talking to them may not be the best choice at this time (you will get to that eventually as a way to move forward through hurt and truly be happy) . Instead turn to that friend that always seems to know what to say, or someone who can stay bias to the emotion you face.  *There are groups online aimed at helping people work through their thoughts and feelings if you find you have no one in your life to talk openly with.* 

It is important though that while rebuilding your self-confidence you surround yourself with positive people, and do what you can to avoid or separate from the negative ones. Other people’s negativity can have a huge impact on our self-esteem, so try to avoid them until you are sure you are strong enough to handle it.

4. Another important building block is forgiving your mistakes. We have all made mistakes in our life, some big some small, but it is through these mistakes that we have learned lessons and grown into better people. When we are on the road to regaining our confidence one major part of that is accepting our past mistakes and letting them go. No matter how big or life changing the mistakes of your past it is important that you let go, and accept them as lessons. If the mistakes hurt someone then send a letter of apology, or right the wrong where you can, otherwise you need to remind yourself ‘everything happens for a reason’ and leave them be.

No one is perfect, and we all face obstacles, bounce over bumps in the road, and even drive directly into walls. The point is that we must take these mistakes, these poor choices, and use them to better our future. If there is something that you just can not seem to let go of no matter how hard you try, then don’t be afraid to seek counselling and try to work through the reasons you are holding on to these issues, usually there is an underlying factor that is deeper than the situation itself.

I had a relationship in the past that I could not seem to let go of, despite the fact that it was extremely abusive, and there was no real love there. Through counselling I learned that it was not the relationship, or the person, that I was actually holding on to, but instead the failure I thought it meant. We shared a child together  and I felt scared, alone, rejected, and most of all I felt as if I failed my child by not giving him the father I thought he deserved. Years later I see that ‘his’ father was not what he deserved and I did the best thing for him by letting go of an unhealthy relationship. 

There are going to be mistakes in your past that are more difficult to let go of than others, but it is so important that you take your time with this step and really focus on all the benefits it holds for your future, and there are many to be found.

5. It is so important that you celebrate your successes. I truly wish that every day could be a party. If before we went to bed at night we could celebrate all the ‘small’ successes of the day we would all be much happier people. This is something that we do not do enough, celebrate our success. Somewhere along the line someone said ‘bragging was bad’ and people took it way too far. There is nothing wrong with bragging about the things that you have accomplished, and odds are that (as long as it is not all you talk about) if it bothers someone it is only because they are suffering from envy or their own personal regrets, which is not your problem and should never stop your success.

Take time to celebrate when you accomplish something, even if it is something as small as clearing out a closet that has overflowed for months, or even something as big as a promotion. When we focus on the positive things that are happening in our lives we are less likely to find (or fabricate) any negative ones.  So heck, if you’ve made it to this step then call up your friends and celebrate that tonight!

6. A small secret when it comes to confidence; if you don’t have it, fake it. Now this does not mean you have to strut your stuff like Cindy Crawford, or even pretend to be something you are not, but it does mean you should be positive even when you don’t feel it inside.

How many times a day do you complain? I am betting it is a lot more than you think. When you are opting to build confidence it is important that you radiate it as well. Cease all complaints and focus on sharing your positivity with others. When people see that you feel good they want to be closer to you, which in turn will help lift your spirits. Confidence is contagious because the truth behind confidence is positivity and people like positive people. Period. So give a co-worker a compliment, share a positive outlook, and avoid complaining about the weather, the commute or the long hours. Replace those too common coffee break complaints with compliments and positive conversations, you will be surprised by the results.

Another way to ‘fake it’ is through pushing aside that negative inner voice we talked about above (well just until you nix him completely) and stand by your decisions and choices. Share smiles freely and keep your head up, being proud of the person you are quickly becoming.

*A final note about the effect of others*

Other people play a major role when it comes to our self-confidence levels, especially when we are starting out on the journey to rebuild them. I can not stress the importance of taking what others say with a grain of salt, and looking at the source. You must not allow what other people think or say become your reality, all that needs to matter in your life is the level of happiness you feel towards yourself. The truth is that people are cruel, and their own envy can be your undoing. Do not let someone else’s insecurities bring out yours.

**Of course there are many other factors in the road to confidence, body image is among the biggest issues, but if you work hard and aim to achieve this goal you will get there, in time. **

Having high levels of confidence can have a huge effect on all aspects of your life and is a major player in your overall journey to a happier more fulfilling life overall. It is something that takes time to achieve, but it is well worth the effort involved. For more info on how to build your self-confidence subscribe to the site…

Also a reminder that questions, concerns, and submissions can always be sent to:  inspiredeverymoment@outlook.com

Until Next Time…

Go Forward With Confidence

8 Reasons You Need To Act NOW!!!


Some many people want to improve their lives, they want to live happier, or find a way to make just do it PINKtheir lives more fulfilling, yet the biggest challenge people face is getting started. Reading about self-improvement, or learning about the tools required to live a better life means nothing if you fail to act! One of the greatest causes for failure when it comes to personal development is simply a failure to ACT.

Listed here are a few reasons to act, they are posted to help you realise that the time is NOW, not tomorrow, not next week, and not after you have accomplished something else! So take a moment to read them and then move forward on your journey!

8 Reasons You Need To Act NOW!

There is no change without action.

Sure, reading about personal development or positive living can make you feel good at the time, but without action the knowledge itself is somewhat useless and it will never lead you to a better way of life. You can read self-help material until the cows come home, but without actually helping yourself you are always going to be in the same place. It may take on different forms as those around you change and act, but your situation will be the same unless you act to change it.

There is no one that can do it for you.

The harsh reality of life is that unless you make the choice to change you never will. No one, and nothing, can do it for you. If you want a better life it is you that has to create it. Period.

Lessons are best learned through actions.

When you make mistakes you learn lessons, every time. Through actions you will learn what works and what doesn’t, you will also learn about yourself in a way that you never would if you didn’t take action. There is no better way to learn that by doing.

It makes you feel good.

Our self-esteem can have a huge impact on whether we take action towards our goals, but the best way to combat this issue is through action. It is somewhat of a double-edged sword in the sense that when you don’t act you feel bad, but you feel too bad to take action. Still, it is more likely that you will regret not doing something to change the situation. Taking action towards your goals, whatever they are, makes you feel good. It raises your self-esteem and it encourages you to move forward. It will make you happier overall and increase your confidence in a way that nothing else can measure up to.

Every small step counts.

Every small step you take brings you closer to your ultimate goal. If you make an effort to complete one action each day, even a tiny one, you are that much closer to accomplishing your bigger goal than you were yesterday. It is important that we keep moving forward when we begin to act or we end up standing still in a place that is no better off than the one you started from.  Reward yourself for each small success as a way to encourage the forward momentum.

If not now, when?

This is a question you hear asked often when it comes to personal development, and when you truly take time to consider it in-depth it is a very important question that you should be asking yourself every single day. If we wait for the ‘perfect’ time, a better time, later, we will be waiting forever. The truth is; if you keep waiting you are going to run out of time. Take a close look at what it is you are waiting for and find a way around it. Act now, or risk missing your chance. When I find myself putting things off I stop and ask myself this simple question, it is usually enough to get me motivated.

It is about the journey.

Just as discussed above, every small step counts, that is because the process of personal development is more about the journey than it is the result. The ‘end’ of your journey to a happier more fulfilling life is something that can not be expressed. In fact, an ‘end’ doesn’t really exist because living a happier life is a long-term commitment that requires regular maintenance and consistent actions on your part. Your ultimate goal will change as you do, and that is why you should be focused on the journey itself rather than the finish line.

One action leads to another.  

Again, referring back to the thought above ‘each small step leads to another’, each action you choose will lead to another action, that will lead to another. You may look back a year from now and find that you are nowhere near where you originally planned to be, but your actions will take you in the direction you need to go by presenting you with opportunities and choices. These choices will lead to others and your journey will be moulded to suit your personal needs, they will also constantly change as required in order to challenge you and help you grow as a person. It may sound lame, but it is the truth, the hardest part of any journey is getting started, once you get past that doors will open for you.

 

Until Next Time…

Take Action!

 

10 Questions That Will Bring You Closer to Your Child


In this busy world it can be difficult to find time to connect with our children. I find the best times to connect with my kids is over dinner and at bedtime. This varies in each household, but I try to make an effort to talk to my children openly whenever possible just to show them I am available and willing to hear what they have to say. Happy Kids

Below are a few questions that will help you connect with your child while learning about the things that interest them, because knowing our children means we can raise them in a more positive way. These questions are designed to build your child’s self-esteem, clue you in to their interests, and help start a conversation on key social issues without being confrontational.

10 Questions That Will Bring You Closer to Your Child:

  1. What are you most proud of yourself for doing? 
  2. Who is the nicest person you know? Why?
  3. What is something that makes you angry or sad? Why? and What can you do to change it?
  4. What are three words that describe you?
  5. What is your favorite thing about school? What is your happiest memory this so far year?
  6. What is one thing you would like to learn to do? Why?
  7. Do you know someone who is suffering? How do you wish you could help them?
  8. What do you most like about one of your closest friends? What do you least like?
  9. What is the best thing someone has ever said to you? How did it make you feel?
  10. If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?

The questions above are only a few examples of ways that you can get you children talking about things that are important to them. They can be reworded so they are appropriate for any age. The point is to promote open communication and approach touchy social subjects in a more indirect manner. I have found in the past that kids are more likely to open up about issues when they are not being directly asked, this seems even more true with older children who tend to be uncomfortable talking to grown-ups about their problems. Try to use these questions (or some form of them) as part of your family routine, they can’t hurt and you never know what you might learn about your child. We all want to live happier more fulfilling lives, and I am sure that every parent aims to raise a positive, self-assured child, doing so requires a consistent effort on our part to provide the stepping-stones they need to see the positive aspects of life.

Until Next Time

Cuddle Them, For Fast They Grow!

7 Steps to Purposeful Happiness


It is human nature to want to live a happier, more fulfilling life, but when it comes to actually doing it many of us are at a loss as to where to begin.smiley-300x210

The answer lies in the idea itself. You see, there is a difference between happiness, and purposeful happiness, and it is a line that many people do not fully understand.

Happiness, is a feeling, an emotion, it occurs inside of us when we are doing something we enjoy. Purposeful Happiness, on the other hand, is more than a feeling, and is something that we must invite into our lives, and consistently work to maintain. Purposeful Happiness is different from the emotion happiness in the sense that it embodies our being, and becomes a way of life. It is the basis for positive living and is really the ultimate goal on our journey to our best self.

The best part about Purposeful Happiness is that the concept itself is easy, and absolutely anyone in the world can achieve it with a little effort and a simple desire to do so.

Below are a few ideas that will help you create Purposeful Happiness, moving you along your journey to a happier, more fulfilling life overall.

  1. Embark on a journey of self-discovery – There is an old saying, “You can never be truly happy in life if you are not happy with yourself.” and these words speak volumes in the way of Purposeful Happiness. If you want to be happy in life you must be happy with yourself before anything else. The journey to self-discovery is a great way to get to know yourself and to learn what makes you tick. You can never know yourself too much, and once you begin looking, you will find that there is so much hidden within that you never knew was there.
    Just as people become overwhelmed with the desire to be happier in life, they can become overwhelmed with self-discovery. What self-discovery really means is learning about you, dealing with your weaknesses, and fueling your strengths. One way to do this is to ask yourself personal questions (like the ones in our Big If series) and answer as honestly as you can. As you begin to ask yourself questions they will lead to others, just like you are having a conversation with a close friend. Allow your mind to wander where it may, and do not try to analyse or defend, simply accept and allow these thoughts and ideas to be.
    (If you are embarking on a journey of self-discovery and would like some helpful advice feel free to contact me for question and journalling ideas.)
  2. Plan for the future – Setting goals is a great way to invite Purposeful Happiness into your life. Nothing feels better than achieving something that you have set out to accomplish, and nothing boosts your self-esteem more either. If you are just starting out it is best to set small goals for yourself that point you in the direction of a larger goal. Every single step is taking you somewhere. It is important to remember that it is not about how long it takes, it is about the journey forward.
  3. Focus on your own reactions/actions – So often we are wasting time and energy reacting to others around us instead of focusing on our own actions. We spend a great deal of our lives trying to make others what we think they should be, when we should simply be focusing on what ‘we’ can be. Your reactions to other people (especially negative people) take away from the actions that better YOU. Instead of wasting time proving yourself to others, spend time being yourself to you, the way you want to be. Those people who are meant to be a part of your ‘big plan’ will adapt accordingly.
  4. Balance the good with the bad – Bad things happen, it is a fact of life. In fact, you are going to do bad things, that is a fact as well, but Purposeful Happiness is about balancing the good and the bad in a way that keeps you on a positive track. The truth of the matter is, as long as you are not being malicious or intentionally causing others harm you will be ahead in the game of life. Stay positive when faced with negativity, and you will invite more positive moments into your life.
  5. Live for the now – Forget the mistakes you made yesterday. Forget the big problems you had last month. Let go of the negative things that you did, or that you faced, in the past and live for the moment. When we hold on to the past we are inviting it into our present. No good can come from something that should have been thrown away, so simply leave it be and focus on what you can do NOW to make life better. It is fine to reflect and see your mistakes, but face forward in the direction you want to go.
  6. Seek out a meaning for your life and live it – No one ever knows exactly what they are ‘meant’ to do with their life. No one truly knows what the ‘meaning’ of life really is, but it is important to find a way to make each moment matter to you, and make that your meaning. If you are good at making people smile, do it. If you can explain things well, make it so. Take your strengths and turn them into your life’s meaning, and remember to change your meaning as you grow. The real meaning of life is being the best you possible, it is as simple as that, and if you can help other people along the way then you have accomplished something amazing.
  7. See the bright-side - The most valuable thing you can do for yourself is to see the bright side of a situation. It is important that we remember “a storm can not last forever” it must eventually clear and the sun will shine again. In each issue we face there is a lesson, by finding and focusing on the positive in a situation you will help to speed up the process and be one step closer to living a life of Purposeful Happiness.

Purposeful Happiness is about doing what is right for you. It is about living life your way, and finding a way to make each moment matter. If you can help others along their journey, great! If not, well, don’t hinder it for them either. Not everyone is meant for fame, fortune or world-renowned greatness, but everyone will be great at something in their life. It is as important (if not more so) that you be happy with yourself, as it is that you help others find happiness. Do what you need to for you first, in the end it will light that path for those that are meant to follow.

 

Until Next Time…

Be Purposefully Happy!

Rewarded!


I would like to take a moment to thank my friend over at Maloquacious for bestowing Inspired Every Moment with the Sunshine Blogger Award. I am always so pleased to be recognized, and I love knowing that the things written here are having an impact on others. It is because of these small recognitions that I am constantly inspired to write and share here on ImageWordPress. 

With all awards comes great responsibility… So, there are now a few things I must do. 
They are:

  • Include the award logo in a post or on the blog (——–>)
  • Include a link to the person who nominated you (Maloquacious)
  • Write 10 random things about yourself
  • Nominate ten other bloggers who “positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere”, plus let them know you nominated them

10 Random Things About Me:

  1. I am a single mother of two children
  2. I ate a ‘Smore’ for the first time in my life this past weekend. 
  3. I have never been on a boat despite the fact that I live in a city that is surrounded by water. 
  4. I start each and every day by choosing something to be Thankful for. 
  5. I love good food, but do not enjoy cooking it unless I have company. 
  6. I think Spring, Summer and Fall should be the only seasons. Winter should be banned. 
  7. Nail polish rarely lasts more than a day on my nails at the most. 
  8. I am easily distracted. 
  9. I have always wanted a Princess bedroom.
  10. I have hundreds of posts sitting in my drafts folder waiting to be edited, written and published. 

And now for my own 10 nominations: 

1. Positive Aspect of Life 

2. Source of Inspiration

3. Travel Destination Bucket List 

4. NOMAD Youth

5. The Blue Art Project

6. Love Well Live Well

7. Secret Shade

8. Elephant on a High Wire

9. Bumble and Sass

10. Mind. Set. Go.

Be sure to check out the sites above, each is worth the read, and can share so many great things with you. 

Again to my friend over at Maloquacious, Thank-you so very much for the honor of this award. :)

 

Until Next Time…

Write On!

10 Things You Should Stop Doing Because It May Change Your Life…


  1. Stop Being Lazy – It is so easy to be lazy, in every sense of the word. How much easier is it to simply say we are too busy, or too comfortable, than to actually bust our butts on something we ‘would/could’ do? Stop letting yourself make excuses and pass up opportunities that can help you grow or move you forward. When you are asked to join in on something, or invited to try something new do it. You never know where a new path might lead you.
  2. Stop Looking For Something Wrong – Our mind can be our worst enemy at times, as people we tend to over think things to the point of creating problems. The old saying “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is” is a bunch of junk.. If something is not right you will ‘know it’ in your heart, but don’t look for problems where there are none. This is especially true when it comes to relationships, when you look for something to be wrong you end up inviting it in yourself.
  3. Stop Being Mediocre  - Getting by may have been good enough when you were a lazy teenager, but it won’t get you anything in the real world. This applies to every situation you face, whether it is work, play or hobbies make the choice to put 110% into everything you do and make an effort to shine. Why simply get by when you can soar? When we put our hearts into the things we are doing it becomes more fun, interesting and rewarding.
  4. Stop Lying (to yourself and others) – It might amaze you to find how often you lie, not only to those around you, but to yourself as well. Lies can range from small to large, and usually occur for seemingly legitimate reasons, but the truth is a lie is a lie. Period. Try to stop telling lies and instead find a positive way of telling the truth, this is possible (even when your wife is asking you if she looks fat). Make a conscious effort to avoid little lies and invite in positive energy.
  5. Stop Your Anger – Anger can have a huge impact on your life, and learning to curb our anger is a tool that is not taught enough when we are young. In fact, anger is instilled in us as ‘bad thing’, and because of this we never really learn how to deal with it as an honest emotion. Next time you are feeling angry, stop and think about why… Usually anger is cover-up for another emotion so ask yourself what it is that is really bothering you and address that problem. Chances are your anger will disappear and you will find that you were actually hurt or sad and not truly ‘angry’.
  6. Stop Running In Circles – If we don’t learn from our mistakes, if we don’t make choices and changes, we are doomed to walk the same path time and time again. How many times have you asked yourself, ‘when is this going to stop?’ The answer is simple, it will stop when you make the choice to change it. Stop running in circles and pick a direction to go.
  7. In Fact, Stop Running – Not only do we need to stop running in circles, we need to stop running altogether. Life slips by in the blink of an eye, this is something you realise as you get older, especially once you have children, why speed up the process by zipping through each day with little time to spare. Take some time each day, as often as possible, to simply be. Enjoy those little moments, and walk a step or two slower than you were before. Time is a precious gift, don’t waste it.
  8. Stop Judging – How can you judge another person that you do not know? How can you judge something you have never tried? How does it feel when you know it is happening to you? Judgement is a form of negative thinking that closes doors in our life. When you judge another person or situation before you find out what it is truly about you are holding yourself back. Some of the greatest things that have happened in my life, and some of the greatest people I have encountered, were ones I never thought I would enjoy. Don’t close doors until you have searched the contents of the room.
  9. Stop Blaming Yourself – This is a BIG one, should probably be at the top of the list, but being so obvious I thought it would fit in here. You can not blame yourself for everything, this is yet another thing that will get you nowhere in life. The main things we blame ourselves for are those things which we can not control, the actions of others. Get rid of blame altogether, forget that it exists. If something goes wrong take no of the lesson and move on. Blaming yourself, or anyone else for that matter, is not going to change a thing, it has no use in your life.
  10. Stop Dwelling – Like the ideas above, dwelling on things that have happened in the past is going to hold you in place in your life. We all have those actions or encounters that we wish we had done differently. Heck, I think I would redo 3/4 of my life given the chance, but I also realize that every single thing that has happened to me, every person I have met and challenge I have faced has been for a reason.. Even if just to make me who I am today. It is important that you let go of the what ifs, of the would have, should have, or could have, and use these lessons in the future. You can acknowledge your past, confront your demons, but don’t let them get comfortable in your present or they are doomed to follow you into your future.

Until Next Time…

Just Stop!

just-stop

 

5 Tips To Help You Deal With Change


It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
C. S. Lewis 

It is time I talk about change on this site. Change is one of those things in life that are changeinevitable, that happen constantly, and that we often fight tooth and nail without even knowing it, and it still happens anyway.

I won’t write a post today called “How to deal with change” because it is not about ‘how’ it is about “Why”… When we are faced with big changes in our life we often ask ‘why’.. Why should I deal with this?

The answer is simple, and a bit brutal as well…

because you have to!

Change will happen whether you like it or not. The weather changes regularly, the area you live in, the world around you. Everything changes, these days even faster than ever before, and even if you choose to ignore that fact these changes are going to happen anyway.

I have faced a great deal of changes in my life recently, many of which I embraced, but a few that I fought with all my strength putting them off and prolonging the process. By doing this, by fighting the inevitable, I was dragging out the discomfort that comes along with big changes, and in reality I was causing myself more pain then I needed to.

I went through a separation, one that I know understand was long overdue, but I kept putting it off thinking that something would change.. Yet, all along things were changing I was just too opposed to see it. I wanted the change to happen the way that I wanted it to happen, but that is the funny thing about change; it gives you exactly what you need, not necessarily what you want.  So I fought it, for months, holding on to an image in my mind that didn’t exist and finding myself miserable in the process.

It was not until I realized that no matter what I did or tried the change was going to happen, and I realized that I needed to make a choice; I could either embrace the change now, or have to deal with it later. I chose to embrace it now, and I am happier than I have ever been. You see, my partner and I were not in love, we were not happy with each other and there was no way we were going to be. Sure, we had moments where we had fun, where we were friends, but the love that we shared was simply an image in our minds.  For me this realization was a sad one. I wanted it to be different, and though the opportunity for change was in front of me all along, it was not the type of change I wanted. I wanted the world to change my feelings, to change my relationship, to change my partners personality altogether… Change does not happen that way, and so I chose to ‘let go’.

Letting go is not easy, in fact it took me a long time, but once I made the choice the change took over and gave me what I had needed all along, power.

We face changes everyday, big and small. Some are clear and simple choices that we make unknowingly, where others tear our souls apart. Change will never be simple, it will never be comfortable, but it can be easier if we allow it to be. Below are a few tips that may help you cope better while facing changes in your life. This advice will probably not save you tears when you face heartache, it may not heal wounds, there is no avoiding the way things make us feel. Hopefully though, this advice can help you to accept change more openly and trust that it is giving you exactly what you need in the long run.

How (and Why) you should deal with change:

  1. Free Your Feelings: Our emotions are within us for a reason so let them out without fear. If you want to cry, cry. Laugh if you desire and talk when you must. Allowing your feelings to flow freely will help speed up the process involved in change and allow you to move forward faster.
  2. Create Positive Thoughts: No matter how hard the change it is not going to be easier if you are constantly seeing it in a negative way. Instead, turn your negative thinking around and find the ‘silver lining’ in the action. (When I was going through my separation I wrote down all the positive things that would come of this big change and carried it with me at all times) By creating positive images around the struggle you are facing you are opening your mind to a new point of view. This will help you accept the changes and help you use them to better your life in the end.
  3. Set Goals: When you see a big change on the horizon and you are feeling scared set small goals that will move you in that direction. It is not fair to think that all change is going to move in on us gracefully, in fact most of the big changes we face in life challenge us to our very core, but that does not mean we have to run screaming for the hills (or in my case hang on for dear life) Instead, use the approaching change as a chance to choose your own direction, or in the very least the journey there.
  4. Ditch The Denial: One of the biggest things we do that makes change so difficult is to deny it. When we stop denying the obvious we allow ourselves to be more relaxed and open to opportunity. This is one of the hardest habits to break, but it is worth the effort. It takes not physical effort on your part but it does require you open your mind and simply let yourself and your life be as it is. Acknowledge the change and instead of denying it consider where it can take you.
  5. Embrace and Trust: Knowing that the change is coming is the first step, the last step is to embrace the change and trust that the world is giving you what you need to be a better, happier and more fulfilled person. Once you have done this you will not fear anymore, you may still cry, you may still want to run or fight, but you will know in your heart that what is meant to be will be. Remind yourself; “If it doesn’t happen now, it will happen later” perhaps not in the same form, and it is sure to be harder the longer you postpone, but one way or another change will happen. It is inevitable.

Until Next Time

Move and Grow with the World!

What are some of the ways that you deal with the big changes in your life? 
What changes have you been dealing with recently?
What advice would you give to other that are facing the same changes you have?

As always feel free to share your thoughts and comments on the site.
Questions or Submissions can be forwarded to: inspiredeverymoment@outlook.com

Just Live Your Life!


There will always be those people in your life that disagree with your choices, actions or lifestyle. No matter how hard you try not to chances are you will always offend someone, you will always find someone you’re “letting down”.  There will always be people who you are making unhappy, but as long as it is not yourself you are going in the right direction. don-t-worry-and-live-your-life

When we let go of the need to constantly please others and begin focusing on pleasing ourselves we often find that life gets easier, and we feel happier overall.

The word ‘selfish‘ is overused in the world today. Being selfish has nothing to do with making yourself happy, or doing what feels good for you. For some reason people have taken the word selfish and twisted into something it should never be about. In fact, were it up to me, the word would simply be erased from the English language. It has no place.

Is it selfish to want to be happy? To do what you like to do? Is it selfish to do something that feels good?

The answer is “No”. The answer is always No!

Chances are if something makes you truly happy, or you truly love doing it, it is not being done with a negative intent. Sure, there may be people who are unhappy about what it is you are choosing to do, or how you are doing it. There might be people who tell you it is wrong, or “selfish” of you. They may say it hurts them, or angers them, but that is THEIR problem, not yours.

Perhaps that was a little harsh, but think about it for a minute… If you love eating seafood but your husband thinks it is gross do you avoid it simply because he doesn’t approve? No. Instead you might choose not to offer it to him, or you might avoid eating it directly in front of his face, but if you are craving a piece of fish why should you suffer simply because of the opinion or approval of someone else? Is it hurting your husband when you eat seafood? Unless he is deathly allergic, I seriously doubt it. So… Why not?

Life is the same as that piece of fish. Perhaps it is not always your husband who disapproves, but chances are there is always going to be someone who does. If it is not being done to cause intentional harm to others, and it is something you enjoy, then just do it. Do it simply because you want to do it! Period! 

This is a simple idea that people find very difficult to wrap their heads around because we are so rooted on the idea that doing things simply for ourselves because we “want to” is selfish. Well I say ‘get over it‘!

When we stop focusing on what others think, or how they feel, when we let go of the result of the action and instead choose simply to enjoy that action, we end up happier and we actually enjoy life more. 

Doing things that make you happy just because you want to can have a huge impact on your life. It will give you:

  • More confidence
  • Increased happiness
  • Inspiration
  • Ambition
  • Reduce stress
  • Increased pleasure 

The benefits outweigh the cons every single time. Of course, there will be those in your life that try to hinder you, that aim to hold you back or bring you down… Do it anyway. If they are meant to be in your life they will find a way to get over it and look for ways to make themselves happy.

I have found that people sabotage our happiness for a number of reasons, the most common being that they are unhappy themselves. Maybe they don’t know what their own passion is, or who they are, or what they want in life… Don’t let someone else’s journey (or lack thereof) hold you back from yours. Do what you love simply because of the fact that you love it. Plain and Simple.

In fact, Start Now!!!

 

Until Next Time

Live Your Life!

 

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below, or email questions, comments and submissions to: inspiredeverymoment@outlook.com

 


Dirty Dishes

I have seen this little poem everywhere and I have even made a copy for my kitchen. I thought it was such a cute and positive message that I should share it here with you. So enjoy…
I am not sure where it originated from and if anyone knows please tell me so I can add a link to give credit where it is due.

Until Next Time…
See The Silver Lining

Dirty Dishes